i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
