The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
