Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
