ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
