I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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