i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize