i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
