How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
