our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
