3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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