I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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