just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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