you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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