he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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