i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
