Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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