I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just tell him i said nine months
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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