I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
