apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
