It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
