I wish my penis had an off switch
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
