I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize