just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
