You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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