She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
