You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize