Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
