dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
