THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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