i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
