if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He? As in you personified your dick?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
