you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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