It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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