It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
