Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
