i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize