Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
