I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize