What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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