im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
