So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
