I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
