Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
