I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
