I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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