i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize