I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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