I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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