when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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