Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
