I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
