Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
