He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
