so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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