Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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