I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
