I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
