Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
