He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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