Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
