Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
