he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
