Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
