I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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