I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
