Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
