Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
