My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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