I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
