I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
