paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
