I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
