Umm I'm too high to move.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize