which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
