i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
