is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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