I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
