a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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