idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
