Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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