Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
