so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
