I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
