guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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