So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
