Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm always down for nudity.
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