After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
