do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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