dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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