you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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