I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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