I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
