i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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