some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
