Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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