I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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