I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
