you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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