I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
