My liver just broke up with me...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
