Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
