Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize