Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
