Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
