My liver just broke up with me...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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