You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
